It has become abundantly clear to me that black people in America belong to a different subspecies of Homo sapiens! I have grouped them into a subspecies Homo sapiens blackus, and in my case Sub Subspecies Homo sapiens blackus shitus!
How else can anyone explain the spate of calls that are made to cops about blacks for mundane things that all humans undertake in order to exist on this planet! In a previous expose’ I had talked about things that Americans should call the cops on when they see “The Blacks” do.
In this piece, I shall explain to my fellow non-black Americans certain activities or peculiarities to “brothers and sisters” for which calling the cops when they see us indulge in, is totally unnecessary! But before I hop into those let me update the list of things for which cops have been called to take care of, after some Americans saw “The Blacks” indulge in!
- Cops were called to arrest a 14-year-old black who was trying to make an extra buck by mowing his neighbor’s lawn. Apparently, black people are excluded from the concept of capitalism!
- Recently a Catholic priest called cops to arrest a grieving family that had broken a church chalice! That priest was oblivious to the biblical passage in John 2:13-16.
- Somewhere in Oregon cops were called to arrest a black representative canvassing for votes in her constituency!
- Oh in Atlanta a cop was called whilst a black real estate investor was inspecting a property he was interested in purchasing!
I encourage Americans to continue to call the cops on mundane things that “The Blacks” do!
However, I shall crave your indulgence by asking that you never call the cops when “The Blacks” do any of the following!
Please don’t call the cops when “The Blacks” show up late for any function or appointments! We are allowed 3-6 hours late beyond the scheduled time.
I beg you to never call the cops when you see a group of black people aka a posse (apologies to Phil Jackson)! We “The Blacks” don’t make fair-weather friends! We are socialist and share in our wealth! We roll together in prosperity and hardship!
The above two rules are not sacrosanct per se! This last rule you must never ever break!
Please don’t ever call the cops when you see “The Blacks” eat chicken! That will be a “yuuuuuuge” travesty of justice should it happen, I shall run out of all words in my vocabulary repertoire to express my outrage! About the only time that you can call the cops when you see black people eat chicken is this!
It’s deep in winter, temperature -45F! It is snowing cats and dogs! The iPhone 11 is about to be released by Apple and you stay in line for 3 days to be the first person to grab one! When you come out of the Apple store with your new found love you bumped into this black dude eating chicken in this blizzard! Your phone falls and the black dude steps in it and spits and pees in it and utterly destroys your phone
Then and only then can you shout “somebody call the cops, that negro or (any juicy N-word of choice) is eating chicken!
By Roy Kim Jung Un Scaramucci.